In honor of Futurama's bombastic return to the world of tomorrow (Available for just $17.99!), we present to you the gadgets we love and fear from the entire Futurama history. Our list from the cryogenic stasis machine of the first episode to the cryogenic stasis machine featured in the movie (psst, it's the same one!). Yes, we have to admit that being superfans, we already watched the movie three times. Verdict: It's good! Now here are the gadgets we love and fear from the world of Futurama.
• Cryogenic Tube (Want): Imaging freezing yourself until Metal Gear Solid 4 comes out, or sticking your dying dog Seymore into stasis until modern science becomes modern enough to fix whatever ails him? The only downside is that your friends and/or wife will get older while you stay the same age.
• Suicide Booth (Do Not Want): We'd hate to be Superman with his pants down trying to change into his suit in one of these things.
• What If Machine (Want): Imagine a machine that could tell you what would happen if you did something. Well you wouldn't have to imagine if you had a What If Machine.
• Farnsworth Parabox (Do Not Want): A box that lets you travel to an exact opposite dimension as yourself could be fun, what with the perfectly symmetrical violence and all. But if you're not careful, you could be traveling to all kinds of weird parallel universes that have evil versions of you, people with boxes as heads, or even stoners.
• Scooty Puff Junior (Do Not Want): Scooty Puff Junior Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...
• Holophoner (Want): Besides being pretty much the hardest instrument ever, you can make a woman fall in love with you just by playing it really, really well (more so than any other instrument). Play it well and you'll make an action/adventure epic with just the air in your lungs and the fingers on your hand. Play it poorly and you'll scare the crap out of kids at your recital. Good day, ma'am.
• Torgo's Executive Powder (Want): Made of the ground-up remains of Fox Network Executives, Torgo's Executive Powder is great for whatever ails you. We probably wouldn't use the powder—either on our crotches or elsewhere—but it's good to see the execs who cancelled Futurama get what's coming to them.
• Bender (Undecided): Having a robot for a best friend may sound good on the surface, but one that tries to kill you, steals your money, calls you a robosexual, stabs you, punches you in the gut, makes fun of your wiener, and makes you sleep in the closet isn't quite what we're looking for. But hey, he's still Bender, who's the funniest robot we've ever seen, so he's got that going for him.
And for those of you who are wondering if the movie's any good? Yes! It's loaded with tons of in-jokes for fans that have seen every episode (like us). Go order your copy now. Don't make us get Hypnotoad.
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